You Were Supposed To Order New Checks Last Month

I have recently run out of checks. I suppose it's true that when I packed up and moved in February that I tossed that red box into the wrong bag and out it went with the trash. Thankfully, my bank joined the online-services bandwagon years ago so I can reorder checks online. I've been perusing the site's selection, amazed at how many ways you can "personalize".

For years I've been Basic Safety Paper Yellow. It's served me well. I think we can all agree it's about as sophistcated as a paperclip but extremely business-like.

It's definitely time for a change, but how to choose?

How about this one? Is this the look I want to represent my money? Does it say cash in the bank or check will bounce? The latter, I think. Pass.

I could get patriotic and pick something out of the American Monuments section. This book features the Lincoln Memorial, the Golden Gate Bridge, Mount Rushmore, and the Grand Canyon AND you can add one of four "personal" messages including a Psalm 24:1 or God Bless America. I wish they'd get a little more creative with this section and feature things like The World's Largest Ball of Twine &c. Eh. Pass.

Oh hey, look! A Collegiate Section. The only colleges listed are Indiana, Notre Dame and Ohio State. So I could order these and psyche some people out.. I guess.

Hang on a minute. THEY have personalized messages, too! Check this out; Money talks, mine says good-bye,Hang on... Friday's coming or I'd rather play football.

....you've gotta be kidding me. Pass.

There's a Movie section. How bad could it be? They've got The Wizard of Oz. I don't know why this grabs me, but it does and I want a whole book full of the Witch scenes. That'd be so rad with the personal message "All in good time my little pretty--all in good time" - swear it, can't
make this up.

They really do offer it. I'd pay my rent every month with those checks (the look on Management's face would be worth it), but they have those lame Emerald City shots in there. Nng. Pa...maybe.

Wow, look at that. NOVA offers checks. Who knew? Proceeds go to funding Public Television. Hm. I wonder how popular they are just because the message "Genius At Large" can be attached to it.

Or maybe I'm feeling extra-American and I want to share it with everyone I do business with. In that case, I could choose the Heros Triumph selection, filed under "American Favorites." What? my brain screamed, What what how how? Why!

How this piece of propaganda found its way into check distribution is utterly, utterly beyond me.

Maybe I'll stick with Basic Safety Paper Yellow afterall.


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